What to do when the alcohol tastes like water... and the cigarette feels like air. I wish I knew. This has been a highest of highs, lowest of lows kind of week. And i'm sure there's only more fun to come. Everything from work to my personal life has been one huge fucking roller coaster this week. I can say with a fair amount of conviction that Friday was one of the worst days at work since I've been there. So much tension.... Sooooooooo many fuckups.... it was one of those days where you look around for the cameras. This can't be real, right? Oh but it was.

I think the strain of being in separate offices is starting to show. We got optimistic when the first few days went so smoothly. A mistake.

And i actually went on a date on Friday. yes, you read correctly. i went on a date. i think it went pretty well. but i'm a terrible judge of things. and the more time that passes... the more paranoid i get.

got really drunk last night.... and pretty much made an ass of myself. it seemed amusing at the time. but in retrospect... maybe wasn't the best plan of action.

today has been all about reflection (read: dwelling) and therefore quite frustrating. especially when in the middle of the week... it seemed that i might actually be turning a corner. turns out.... it seems to just be the same goddamn building.

at this point in the day... i've reached some sort of numb.

guess that's what happens when you only leave the apartment for five minutes... to get said cigarettes and beer.

all i really want right now.... is a strong gin and tonic..... and i'd just go back to bed.

one of these days (one of my more popular phrases on here) i'm actually going to look forward to taking responsibility for things... to change.... to making things better.

buuuuuut... for the time being... i'll just be charmingly neurotic about them.... and just wait for the day to end or when i just can't take worrying about them anymore and finally do something.

i don't blog anymore... because it's all one huge repetition anyway... and why should i blog... when i could just copy and paste.

i mean really. i suppose since i've spent this much time writing this thing... i might as well post it.

i move in two weeks. i haven't packed a fucking thing. oh... and i'm going to atlanta this upcoming wknd.

And we're staying in a hotel because kate and i are white. The last time I checked it was 2006... but... apparently not.

what are you going to do. at least it'll be nice to see amber.

i'm just over it all.

really really over it.